UNSTINTING care,defined UNNAMED relation,to me..

i

 had the power to feel the pain of "rejection",though i was not dt unfortunteself.am mentioning this,as, i was the reason of such an unquantifiable awful feeling of being rejected,of sumone[mentioned in my 1st blog].

my brains didnt cry! bt my heart did! i failed to concentrate in each single work,i did.. i was jus 13 autumn old!! my mind lost its peace.though,jus my silent tears knew the story.n passed it over to my pink pillows.. when they kissed the pink!loaded wid such

 guilt,sorrows,confusion.. bt 

not a bit of sound was there. all in silence.. .. .. 

this was the scenario for nights aftr night.. .. ..

for his detoriation,i kept blaming me..

when his inocent eyes stared at me, i hated my own self.

bt my brains kept my covering unruffled.. ..

i started hating my school hours.which were most awaited

 hours for me! bt an nightmare now!

my outer self smiled.. inner self cried.. i kept running away from where to where,i cnt

 recall.infact ,i also never knew dt! 

though the feeling of guilty engulped me.yet failed to degenerate me.as i knew i was true to me! 

FINALY.. sumone from sumwhere kissed away all my hard feelings... my greifs... my pain.. and 

brought dawn to my gloomy innerself. as if GOD has seen dis little girl cry and suffer. he could notice my inner self dieing. bt itz numb.he didnt try to consl me by so caled quoted words[that ppl usual use,in lectrs].bt he helpd me to love my inner me.taught me to move on.belief in my strengths.. he was always

 beside me.. dt he never utterd! bt made me feel dt. he knew me frm d day i first breathed.. bt he never seemed this way,evr! 

now lemme,tel u a bit of his n my connection.though the sudnly apeared to b a blessing for

 me.yet,he wasnt a total stranger also.. he was my pappa's collagemate,rather a friend's son.n also my brother's pal.we had close family relation. lyk... he used to stay in our mumbai's

 house.wid us for 5yrs aftr he complited his aeronotical course from kolkata.he stayed there to persue advanced course in it.he was a total bookwarm.real shy guy.rarely he spoke.bt loved me as his sis frm my 1st day on earth onwards.. he was around 13yrs oldr to me.bt was too cool n treandy to seem so.he stil is dt smart n stunning.wid such an charming personality...

when i was in class 8[during last few months in dis class],he returned to kolkata back.as his brother commited suicied,and his mom gone physic! he had to leave his job and return to kolkata.and join sumthing new ova here.his bro was a real star!always remined the topper in his medical course!bt a drop in rank,became the cause of his death!days were tougher for him.rather it was for me.due to al the inner battle of mine.

bt he proved to b my friend,philosopher and guide!i can never forget wat he did for me.. his UNSTINTING care,love cured me.i admired him,n still i do.one has to learn punctuality,comitment,sense of being responsbl from him! due to him i scored 91 in maths from a score of jus 09.cn one believe this? no..... ri8???? bt itz al true! n i experiened it! he never failed to help me out! NEVER! and NEVER! when ever i got upset wid d juggled up emotions.or stuck wid a mathematical problem. let it be 3am or 3pm! it was NEVER a matter.may b a sunny dry day.enhanced by "loo".or a rainy water logged one.he was always there for me.to bring me back to life.make me lively from widin.who dose dt?tel me??in this selfish world!! wasnt he a GOD's blessing?? tel me....!!  

he became dear to me.i started trusting him.. enjoyed his company!bt i stil 

dont knw wat is his and my relation actually.its an eternal feeling.jus his 

presence or a simple word of his made al the storm inside me calm down widin a micro second!he taught me stuffs of books,played PC games too.chatted also.supported n adviced too.bt neva scolded me!n neva broken mah trust! neva licked a bit of secret in my mamma/pappa's ear!! the made me feel specail always.this little gifts seemed so precious to me.he took care of al my likings,feel good factors! the cards he gifted me on my b'days were most special.as he didnt paid loads of bucks for it!rathe

r made it by his own! filled wid his creativity and care. . . i still have them. . . . . . . . . n keep them safe foreva...!

IF U R READING this... hope u cn understnd my gratitude for you! i hv no words to thank you.

rather,it wil a lil infront of all u did to keep me alive.and understand my unsaid words.u r precious too me,as u were... 

lemme REPEAT,u defined to me.. wat UNNAMED relations are... 

u were my tissue paper,when i had to cry.

u were my encyclopedia,when i need info.

u were my true pal,wid whome i could share my tho8s.

u were my umbrella,on a sunny or rainny day..

u were my lyrics,when i discoverd a sudden new tune..

u were my PC,when i got a new game CD..

u were my cover,when i needed to hide my inner self..

u were my jewlry,whn i wanted to look gorgeos..

u were my stick,when i was blind..

u were my car,when i needed to travel..

u were a looad for me......

the list wil go on and on...

so lemme 

stop!!!!!!

stoppp!!!!

while reading al these while,if u wonder,why am i using "were".....and not "is"

 [i min past n d present thing!] 

then lemme tel u,

he is stil there.. bt am nomore a class 8 kid! ri8? i too experienced life a bit more.am 18! an adult! 

so,i knw.. i shudnt always take 

away all his tym of his life.as he is there for me always.. [jus my views,may or may not match wid urs! ] he is married now.wid a cute baby also.. now he has settled in kolkata only.nomore story of mumbai.and his sweety is also a darling lyk him! stil me meet... ... bt wat he taught me.made my firm construction.so nomore i need to prick him all the time.like a silly kid! who dosnt hv control on her emos............. ...  i have learned which to take in me,for the sake of a BETR me.and wat to ignore or avoid,to keep me good.rather true to my ownself.which counts a lotsss...

chotto balar,prothom sishir.. mon k chuyachilo...

chootto theke e paku d gr8 ami.. jodio chotto boley boro ra vabto ami kichu e bujhi na!bt shobbb e bujhtam.. r mon a akhno badha e ache shokol smriti er sisir guli.

class 4 er puchki boyasha e, class er ekti dushtu bichhu er bondhuto jani, b

ondhu er thekeo beshi durey goriya jete lege

chilo. hoyto amr obocheyton mon er proshroy tey e!

sey chilo bhishon e pora pagol. r tamon dushtu. hingsutey o kom chilo na! kintu tar hingsha er sikar theke beche gachilm,mor dushtu mishti guun er fol a hoyto.. dushtumi r hinghutey guun tar akta chotto ghota e tomadr hasi jhorey porbey! jamon...... hoyto sey karor theke akta pencil ba pen dhar nilo.. amon e dushtu,lekha ses er por samanno "thank u" toh durey thak! sey kina pen ta noshto korey,khule, sob "

parts" alada korey,kari guri ses er por.. feley e dito  kothao akta!dn bolto "jani na toh...tor pen toh ami tor desk a e rekhe diachilm.lekha ses er por".. he he!! nijer jinis toh bhuley o karor samne bar e korto na.r dhar deoa toh proshno e asey na! :P

ai,ak e dushtu,kina.. 

amr shob "undone homework" a help korto... vaba jai!!!

amr jinis agley rakhto.. vabley e hasi payna? purro akta dushtu pagol... tai na?? :P

akdin...

hothat chor police dakat, khelte khelte, amy chomkey e dilo! tao kina class 4! ki vabey.... jano??? "chor.. I LOVE YOU" likhey..... oi chotto sheet ta er modhey,khala ses er por.chuti er bell baja er por,amr mathay fele rekhechilo.mathay hath dia,kagoj ta uddhar korey ,chotto "ami" toh

 obak! 

chor k  o valobasey :O ..prosno er uttor udhar korey dilo akti bondhu.. tar por toh dushtu er r tikki dakha jaini.. chuti er por.mukh khani bujhi lojja te red rose hoya e gachilo... he he!shob e 

class 4 er e golpo kintu..... 

boddo tot-tori chilm ami.tai mam amy,oi dushtu er pasey e bosato.shob chele gheyra akti rajjo! boddo raag hoto!kintu oi hingsutey er bhalobasha peye chotto mon t,toi tumbur hoya thakto anondey!!vabtam..amr toh kono bhoy nai.o toh amy kichhu e kore na :D borong amy safe rakhey :P

ai vabey e chole jete thake din er por din....... ...class 5... class 6...  class 7....

ami mishti vabey e mishtam,oi paji puchku tar sathey. kintu sey abr, proti bochor e.. pakhi pora er mo

to "i love u" bole jeto..ami o sune jetam chupchap! chotto toh chilm... moja e lagto.. :D

aftr al orom always 1st hoya typ paji ta!sey kina amy atohh gulu pulu korey :D

vacations guli tey ektu kosto hoto botey! aka aka bari te thaka.. otto din.......

 shob bodmaishi guli toh r hoto na...

er modhey.. class 8 a,amadr section chng hoya er pala chole asey.. computer r comrc difrntiation.

nilami er moto amra ak guchho studnt asebly hall a dariya... line korey.... onno tin tey sectn[A,B,D.. sectn]er clas teachr ra echha moto 8 ta korey studnt beychey nichey..... mon tokhn jani bhoy a arostho.bandhu der harano er bhoy tey.sai chotto buddhi vabto,section alada hoya jawa mane e bondhutey er itii tene deoa.kintu ses mes,ami r dushtu t,ak e sectn a porlam.ota shob theke parakhu sectn chilo.jodio ami akdom e orom noi. 

tarpor or ak chotobala er frnd USA theke india te firey 3yrs por,abr a

madr sathe admisn nilo.tar kach theke french a "i love u"bola sikhey.. hothat! amy oi din library tey constantly..ogonito bar "TU L TU K TO" bole galo....amr or expression dekhe kichu ja andaj hoyachilo botey...tao confirm chilm na! r tar por jokhn raj er kachey jante parlam mane ta! it was a shock for me!ami bujhte parchilm na.wat shud i say... 

o dike din din he was tryin to b close wid me.which i jus hate!he tried to hug me oftn.whneva got d chance.class teacher er fav8 er list a amra dujon chilm..so mam ja responsblty ok r amay dito.ta chara,being a prefect [ami] n monitor[he..] had lots othr responblties.n to b done 2gthr.he used to tk al those oprtunities.to b close both mentaly n pysically. j ta ami thik pochondo korchilm na.i dont lyk boys l

oosing self contrl lyk dis.dt also so early.jus class 8! tits n bits of experices ,spoiled d good image of his.wateva i felt also,got banished! he became a terror for me.as if i was always trying to run away frm him.n he is wantin much more harder to reduce d distince.finally i strted ignoring him... infact stopd talking also.and dts how the f'ship also ended up there.n love in its shel only.lyk a destroyed perl in its shell.. totly unnoticed!

if i say didnt feel at all,wil b a lie!

bt we didnt tune good.i feel so. the lykings n dislyks didnt go wel.may b did al crazy things for me.. n i wil b thankful to him.for al those sweet moments.except those few.which were strong enough to bring an end to all.. IF U R READING DIS.u knw,its al abt u,naughty boy! :D bt u were a darling dn! and now a totl new being.which i cnt relate wid.u shudnt have chngd urself soo soo much!!!!!!

lemme mentn,we didnt talk at al,though we reamind in d same class for next few years.n finaly i was shiftd in a new science section in class 11.n wat was spcl abt our sweet reltn 

which though wasnt totl frndship or love.bt a q8 mixtr of both.more of f'shp frm my end.n love frm his.our eyes comunicated mostly.rathr than 

echnging speechs.the talkative me was also glued up.wid a touching glance of his.a tough i shud say.

lastly during ISC,in bio exam, we had to sit in side by side benches.cnt say,was it fortunate or unfortunate!n then he had dt hrt throbing contacts of eyes.stealing glances.for d last tym.he had to ask me two 2markhs qstn.may b it was such a tough tym for him.as he thinks he is d best!n nevr lykd cheating kinda dishonesty!bt i told d answr,bt he cudnt write he down.he jus kept staring at me.may b my eyes.. for quite a few mints.dn d bel for submisn ended d ISC boards.n d moment too........